Chaplain Mel Baars
Ephesians 4:25-5:2
August 12, 2012
“Live in Love”
The experts
tell us we are what we eat. I guess that means if one was to cut me open, a
variety of m&ms and crackers with peanut butter would spill out. I almost
think it’s worth attempting... almost.
If this is true, that our physical bodies are some version of the food and
drink we consume, then our mind and soul must also be some version of our
thoughts and feelings. We are what we
think and feel, too. If our feelings are primarily positive, open, loving, and
generous, then we may become more open, loving and generous people. If our
emotions are only ever inward, bitter, and closed-off, then we won’t just feel
resentment, but we may be consumed by it. We won’t only feel anger, but we may
end up an angry person.
If you go to
the search engine on Amazon.com and put in “religion and anger,” more than
forty thousand titles surface.[1] That
significant number is indicative of just how much anger creeps into every facet
of life. Whether anger is wielded outwardly or is masked by passive aggression,
we mostly don’t know what to do with it. Some of us are overcome by it, lashing
out and leaving a trail of tears while others of us are paralyzed by it, losing
our capacity to communicate or express ourselves. Some of us dissolve while
others of us go mute. No matter how we handle our anger, our biggest challenge
is paying attention to where the anger has come from and what it means to us. Are
the circumstances that make us angry really worth it?
A lot of people
around here have told me that they feel angrier than usual. The tiniest things
can set them off and, in no time, they are filled with rage. Most of the people
who have mentioned this aren’t really happy about it. Many of them have even
done some self-evaluation. They have looked at their lives here and they have
reasoned, “Hey, I have good shelter and decent food, at least on some days. My
job isn’t so bad. We aren’t getting hit with lots of IDF. I even get to take
the occasional nap. I work out daily. Life is pretty good. Why am I so angry?”
It’s hard to
answer this question outright, yet I also know it to be true. I have found
myself angrier at some things that really have no business bothering me. It has
hit me out of nowhere, and I have found myself asking this same question,
“Why?” It is as if our fuses have been shortened so much that they hardly exist
at all. The littlest things throw us into a downward spiral. One minute we are
going along just fine, and then we walk into the chow hall on a Sunday
afternoon to discover that there is no Mongolian Grill. Suddenly, the day has
tanked. Recovery is impossible. We become inconsolable and fussy. The only
thing that will make this better is going home and since that is months away, we
resign ourselves to becoming irascible. Soldiers and sailors beware.
As one
commentator put it, “Few things are uglier than a thoroughly irascible person,
and it is clear why very early in the church anger came to be regarded as one
of the seven deadly vices. When it gets deep and pervasive in life, it really
does kill love and everything lovely.”[2] Yet, anger does not always
result in irascibility. It only becomes this extreme when anger becomes the
primary emotion, when anger is not balanced with all the other emotions which
help us to see more colors than red.
According to
our passage in Ephesians, anger, itself, is not the problem. “Be angry,” we are
told, “But do not sin.” There is an important difference between the emotion,
anger, and the behavior, to sin. Anger is an emotion, yet to sin is a verb. To sin is to act out, to commit offense or do
wrong. It is action, or in some cases inaction, that results in destruction.
When anger drives us, propels us to say things we ought not say or do things we
later regret, this is some version of sin.
Anger has an
important place in our bank of emotions. It is a normal human reaction to
injustice. It is a sign that something has gone wrong or that someone is acting
in a way that is harmful. Anger is helpful at times because it signals to us
that there is a problem which we need to deal with. “Be angry... but do not let
the sun go down on your anger.” The danger is when we don’t attend to it, when
our anger stays festering inside of us, when it controls our thoughts and even
deeds. When we let this emotion take over so much so that any time we don’t get
our way or we come up against a challenge, we automatically become angry, this
is the real danger. Because every time we allow ourselves to be consumed by our
anger, it takes something of our joy. Eventually, anger becomes a kind of
default mode. It’s like muscle memory. Soon, we are angry over everything. We
find it hard to remember what it is like not to be angry.
But. as one
friend pointed out earlier this week, even Jesus got angry, and on a few
occasions so angry that he did something about it. When he encountered abuses
in the temple, he threw over tables. When he was criticized for healing a man’s
withered hand on the Sabbath, he got angry at the leadership who seemed to be
more interested in petty rules than caring for those who were most needy. Of
all the times that Jesus got mad, though, he never seemed to get riled up over
the little things, the things that didn’t really matter. Jesus didn’t expend
his energy on spinning his wheels. Whenever he got angry, it was for good
reason. His anger was righteous.
There are a lot
of good reasons to be angry, especially this week. The local news has brimmed
with reports of green on blue attacks, perhaps the most glaring, an incident in
southern Afghanistan where a group of US Special Forces were invited to dinner,
to break the Ramadan fast with some
of their Afghan partners. When they arrived for dinner, they were shot on the
spot. Though they came in a spirit of good will, their gesture was used against
them. Reports like this should stir up anger because they are more than
stories. This is the reality that is unfolding around us daily. Of course,
there are other injustices worthy of our anger, children being abused, used as
vehicles of violence, spouses transgressing upon their vows of fidelity,
leaders neglecting those entrusted to them for their own selfish gain. I could
go on and on and on. Anger in these circumstances may be righteous, too.
But if we are
going to use Jesus as our example of good anger, we need to consider one
additional dimension. This is the other thing about Jesus’ anger. Not only does
it only manifest itself when it really matters, when it is called for, but
also, most importantly, in the midst of his anger, Jesus manages to remember
love, too. No matter how angry he gets-- with the Pharisees who take careless
advantage of their flocks or the disciples who can’t seem to get it or even those
who ultimately take his life-- Jesus still manages to love all of them. He
finds a way to hold anger and love in both of his hands, so that the offender
is both held responsible for wrongful actions but also offered an opportunity
to repent, to be forgiven, and ultimately to be made lovable again, despite the
offense. Anger without love makes our hearts hard and black. On the other hand,
anger tapered with love may be an impetus to grow or to deal with a real
problem which left unattended could result in worse damage.
In the end,
Paul reminds us that we have been made in God’s image, as beloved children, to
live in love. We are only really satisfied when we do this. Putting away all
bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all
malice, and instead being kind to one another, tenderhearted and forgiving,
this is what frees us from the burdens of discontent. No matter how bad things
have gotten and how angry we have felt, finding a way to let go of all of it,
this is what we are longing for. To live in love is to live in the way that God
made us in the beginning-- free and good, very
good.
It is hard to
know where to begin, especially if we have been angry for a while. On some
days, on the hardest days, I think we start this process on our knees. When we
are gripped with anger, and we see no other way out, when we are at the end of
our rope and have nothing left, we can still pray, even if it is simply the
prayer that Jesus taught us to pray, to give us this day our daily bread and
forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. In bits
of bread, even the hardest of hearts can be transformed anew. This is the power
of God’s saving grace. It knows no bounds. It is forever and ever. So, live in
love, as Christ loved you and gave himself up for you. Amen.
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