Chaplain Mel
Baars
September 16,
2012
James 3:1-12
“Sticks and
Stones”
“Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Most of us grew up reciting
a version of this nursery rhyme. I can’t recall when I learned it, but I am
sure it was at some point in elementary school. Teaching our children this
little adage is a means of building their resiliency, thickening their skin so
that they can handle the bullying or the gossip mill that they will likely encounter
in school. We all have our own memories of playground scenes and the taunting
and teasing that transpired between classmates. I don’t know if I ever shouted
out the rhyme, but I am sure that it crossed my mind whenever harsh words were
thrown my way.
There is some
dissension over the saying’s origins. According to Wikipedia, everyone’s favorite all knowing, all powerful internet
mega-resource, this nursery rhyme first appeared as advice in a publication of Tappy’s Chicks and other Links between
nature and human nature by Miss George Cuples in 1872. Other internet dictionary
resources cite a volume of The Christian
Recorder in 1862 which said, “Remember the old adage, 'Sticks and stones
will break my bones, but words will never harm me'. True courage consists in
doing what is right, despite the jeers and sneers of our companions.” Either
way, this saying has been around for a while.
Sadly, name
calling is part of growing up for most kids. They are either victims or
perpetrators of these harsh words. Typically, those kids who are apt to throw
harsh words at their peers, have caught their fair share of them at home from
their parents or older siblings. At times, verbal abuse seems more contagious
than the stomach flu and certainly as virulent, which is why I always thought
the Sticks and Stones phrase wasn’t
very helpful. Words can really hurt, sometimes worse and for much longer than
sticks or stones, especially if they are lobbed at us by someone who is
supposed to love us. Perhaps this is why some have altered this phrase a little
to better reflect this reality. A recent article in the journal, Psychology Today, twisted the adage like
this, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will cut me deeply.”
Words either build us up or tear us down, and we all know that it takes a lot
more time and energy to build something than it does to destroy it.
The tongue
wields remarkable power and must be controlled which is why James belabors his
point, using not one but four different examples which illustrate the truth of
his point: a bit in the mouth of horse can yield obedience, a rudder on a ship
if piloted well can guide the vessel with precision and safety, a spark, left
unattended, can set a forest ablaze in minutes, and a wild animal can wreak
havoc if left untamed. James sticks with real life which makes it easier for us
to understand and then identify similar examples in our own lives.
This past week
we have watched the world catch fire over words captured on a video that was
uploaded to youtube. Whatever your opinion is on this video, The Innocence of Muslims, and trust me,
I have my own opinions, this week, all over the world, we have witnessed the
power of the tongue and its capacity to have incredible influence with rapid
speed. Who knows what the intention was of those involved with this, whether
they anticipated the kind of explosion which happened, but their words have
been used as a powerful weapon of hate and violence. This is exactly what James
is talking about without, even, our present context of a global, web-based
society. Twenty countries across the Middle East have been affected, including
Afghanistan. There have been multiple deaths with many more injuries. It’s hard
to say just how far this particular fire will spread. It is a sobering reminder
that words matter. Words can bring a blessing or a curse; words can even mean
life or death.
James realizes
just how critical the tongue is in maintaining healthy relationships between
one another. I think this is why he begins his third chapter with this
statement: Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for
you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. All teaching
is based on relationship. A teacher gives and her students receive. A teacher
has the authority to speak while her students are required to listen. Teaching uses
the tongue, and not just in a private setting, but publicly, with the potential
of affecting whole handfuls of people. While this may seem a simple concept,
James is well aware, probably from his own personal experience, how difficult
controlling the tongue can prove to be, especially when emotions, like anger or
frustration or exhaustion, are involved. But being in a position of influence
means that there isn’t room for much error. It is funny how many of us are more
likely to hold on to the negative words than the positive ones. As teachers, or
even parents, every time we open our mouths to speak, what we say may be etched
into the very fabric of our pupils. Once the train has left the station, it’s
not easy to stop it. Even a pencil mark that has been thoroughly erased leaves
a hint of a smudge.
One day, when I
was about seven, I remember my Dad saying a “bad” word in front of me, maybe it
was dammit but I don’t know. I think
he had dropped a glass and spilled its contents on the carpet. He was annoyed.
Now, I didn’t grow up in an excessively religious household. I heard my
parents, on occasion, say some four letter words, but I was taught that these
words were “bad.” I wasn’t allowed to say them. I remember, when my father let
this word slip, saying to him, quite incorrigibly, “Isn’t dammit a ‘bad” word.” I bet my hands were on my hips when I scolded
him. What I remember more than anything from this exchange was the look on his
face when I brought this to his attention. It was a mixture of frustration and
disappointment in himself. He sat down on the stairs, eye level with me, and
admitted his mistake, “Yes, you are right, and I shouldn’t have said it. I’m
sorry.”
All these years
later, I still remember the incident well. But, what I remember most about that
day was my Dad’s apology. It wasn’t the “bad” word or the details of his
mistake that made the truest impression on me, but it was how he responded to
what he said, the way he recognized his mistake and then attempted to rectify
it. There is a reason we are warned not to take on the mantle of teaching,
preaching, leading, shepherding, or parenting. We are all going to make
mistakes and say things which we regret. It’s part of being human. Sometimes
these mistakes have serious, even deadly consequences. How we handle these
mistakes though, even the worst of them, may make all the difference in what
happens next, in how the landscape for our pupils, our soldiers, or even our
children, is affected for good or for ill.
Admitting our
mistakes or that we have been wrong is not an easy thing to do, especially in
this business. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of room for failure even though
we all know that our days are filled with the evidence of our imperfections--
the email we forgot to send which put quite a few co-workers in the hot seat,
the moment we snapped at a co-worker for no good reason, the words we uttered
in anger or frustration. We all make these mistakes, and we can’t take them
back either. We can’t rewind the clock and do a second take. There are no do over’s.
But, what makes
a good teacher is recognizing the errors that have been made and then taking
steps to put the pieces back together. For as much as there are mistakes, there
is also forgiveness. Every time we come together to worship, we confess our
mistakes, the harm of our unbridled tongue, all that we have done and left
undone and everything between. Confession is a practice of Christian faith. It
is the way that we begin the process of repairing the damage we have done. And God’s
response to our confession is forgiveness and pardon. In a gesture of
restoration, God heals our wounds, both the ones that were self-afflicted and the
others that we have caught in the crossfire of our lives. Our confession and
then God’s forgiveness-- it is never one without the other.
Because of
words, our worlds may be set ablaze. And, as we know too well, what started as
a spark can explode, incinerating everything in its path. As teachers, as those
who speak while others listen, we are called to do the hard work of putting out
the fire, of recognizing our failures and our mistakes so that we can begin the
long process of healing and restoration. This is how we sow seeds of heaven.
This is how we share the good news. It may take our whole life, and even the
lifetimes of those who follow us, but we can trust that God will be there too,
lighting our paths and guiding us every step of the way. Amen.
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